He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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