I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
