I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
