I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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