god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
