I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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