So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
