This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
