I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can you bring me the toilet please
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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