textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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