i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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