just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
