he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
