Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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