i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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