Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
