i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
