Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dick very happy bro
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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