get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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