So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
