I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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