I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can't special order awesome
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
