She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
