i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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