Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
