You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
