the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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