Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
