i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
