We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
