whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
