just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
