Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
