It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
