maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
