made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
