I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
