Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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