I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
