I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
