oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
