can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
