My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
