yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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