it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So squirting runs in the family.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
