Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
