I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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