This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk is a universal language darling
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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