Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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