my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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